This madness is absolute survival. It has been more than a year and I feel like we have aged a decade at this point. I remember precisely how my summer was because those were the months that I almost lost everything.
It was March 12, 11:30PM when I found out that I had COVID-19 and that was just the beginning of the downward spiral of this story, how March, April and June turned my life around completely. I can’t promise pretty words as I pen this piece of my life because it was tough, but I can say that writing about it brings comfort as it always does when my heart is exploding with emotions.
The world is our temporary residence.
I was scheduled to go home to visit my family when it happened. It was my mom’s birthday and my gift was the news that I contracted the virus. The worst feeling is knowing that your mother is crying on her special day because of you. It’s unexplainable, almost unforgivable.
This universal pause forces you to reflect on the things that matter and it happened to me in the most unglamorous way, I was ill and literally breathless. Besides the fact that I was praying for survival, I also wanted to know what it was for. Why do I have to be sick? Along with that was blaming. I felt like I was careless, irresponsible. There was a lot of loathing but when my soul got tired of the hate, the quiet gave me the answers.
Everything is temporary, and the end of our life on earth is just the beginning of something eternal, something that lasts forever. As natural beings that crave for possession, realizing that this life is borrowed could be daunting but it is equally comforting to come to terms that someone owns me, owns us and He is in full control. We thought that it all ends here but the truth is, it doesn’t when you are wrapped under His wings.
During this time of surrender, I also found out that my family contracted the virus back home. So in tears and bended knees, I committed my life to serving the hands that created me, I trusted when I can’t see what was ahead of me. More of Him, less of me and if He wanted to grant my prayers, I will worship Him and if He doesn’t,
I will still worship Him.
Kindness never goes out of style.
I was recovering when I found out that my mom, dad and grandmother were sick too. They were not spared and I was frustrated and scared. You see, a lot of my experiences only showed how human I am. I relapsed countless times. I argued, apologized and even bargained to secure their healing and He only said, love and be kind to as many people as you can. It was an impossible mission given that I was suffering emotionally and spiritually too. I was questioning His ways. I felt like He wasn’t listening.
Bruised and not knowing where I could find that glimmer of light, I followed. I decided to be an advocate for everyone who’s rowing the same boat that we were. I showered love to patients virtually almost every single day. I ended fear even if I was fearful too, I shared stories of encouragement even when I wasn’t sure if my own prayers will be answered and then,
I learned that the reason why God didn’t want to show me where the light was is because he wanted me to be one.
Heaven is real.
We lost my grandmother to COVID-19. It was the worst night of my life. My father got depressed. My mother, who was an immunocompromised patient, was grieving, emotionally battered and I wasn’t there for them. I found myself crying like a baby and begging for the pain to be taken away. I couldn’t imagine surviving all of these without faith, without God.
The days felt like a drag but I still had to show up. I had parents to take care of and I had to make sure the Lord still reigns over our lives despite it all. I had that pact with Him even when honestly, it felt unfair.
Sunday, Church day, I was washing the dishes when this song was sung in one of the services I virtually attended. The chorus goes,
“You give me beauty for ashes,
and You pulled me close to your heart,
You have turned my mourning to dancing,
that’s what You do,
that’s who You are”
Beauty For Ashes – Mid Cities Worship
I knew, I was sure, that was God’s whisper. It was a still, small voice but I heard Him clearly. I felt His peace. I started crying in front of the dirty dishes but this time, in gratitude. My grandmother is happy in heaven, dancing in the clouds.
He listens and He answers. He sits on the throne.
From that moment forward, it was just a whirlwind of His power magnified through miracles. My dad was asymptomatic throughout his recovery. My mom, with Diabetes, Hypertension and a previous Pneumonia patient also got healed. My younger brother in the same household as everyone else, tested negative and is still very healthy as I write this. The Lord directed our steps, pointed us to the right people, strangers, to get through all of it, including mending our hearts.
I miss my lola everyday but I find comfort in knowing that her life will be remembered as a story of one dusty sunset made beautiful and perfect with God’s loving touch. So to you, my dear survivor, press on. A newly promoted angel named Teresita is looking after you and your Father’s promises will remain true, forever.
You’ll be okay, I’m rooting for you.
This story is an entry to ComCo Southeast Asia’s “Write to Ignite Blogging Project Season 2: Dear Survivor”. The initiative continues to respond to the need of our times, as every story comes a long way during this period of crisis. The initiative aims to pull and collate powerful stories from the Philippine blogging communities to inspire the nation to rise and move forward amidst the difficult situation. The “Write to Ignite Blogging Project” Season 2 is made possible by ComCo Southeast Asia, with Eastern Communications and Jobstreet as co-presenters, with AirAsia and Xiaomi as major sponsors, and with Teleperformance as sponsor.























































